A Model Conversation for Chaplaincy Pro CPE Students

Introduction

Attending behavior is at the heart of effective spiritual care.

It is the sacred act of offering one’s full presence to another, creating a safe space for healing, exploration, and connection.

Scene:

The chaplain has been called to visit a patient who has recovered physically from surgery but struggles emotionally and spiritually with returning home and daily life. They are seated in a quiet, private hospital room. The chaplain uses spiritual presence and attending behavior skills.

Chaplain: (Soft eye contact, warm presence)

“I’m grateful you’re willing to meet with me today. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot. Would you be open to sharing what feels difficult about returning home?”

Patient: (Shifting in seat, a little tense)

“Well, it’s difficult to know where to start. I guess things just got to be too much for me. I seem to be tense all the time.”

Chaplain: (Listening attentively, maintaining gentle eye contact)

(With eyes and posture, warmly encourages her to continue speaking.)

Patient: (Looking down for a moment, then continuing)

“I was afraid to go outside the house. Just thinking about going out into the yard made me tense. I just couldn’t do it.”

Chaplain: (Soft, encouraging nod)

“You’re doing very well sharing this. Please, if you’re willing, tell me more about how it felt during those moments.”

Patient: (Thinking)

“It’s not that I don’t want to go out. I do. But when I try to leave the house, I feel anxious and I can’t do it.”

Chaplain: (Maintaining natural, caring eye contact, voice warm and steady)

“I can hear how heavy that burden has been for you. And yet, here you are, sharing it so openly. I’m honored to walk beside you in this.”

Patient: (Pausing, a bit more relaxed)

“Yes. I want to be able to go to work again and visit people, but just can’t do it.”

Chaplain: (Sitting in a relaxed, professional, but supportive posture)

(Silent for a moment, showing presence and attentiveness.)

Patient: (Takes a deep breath, voice soft)

“It’s so much worse when I try to go out. I get tense and can’t do it, and then I get very depressed about it.”

Chaplain: (With a warm, expressive voice)

“Thank you for trusting me with this. Can you tell me how it all began, if you feel comfortable sharing?”

Patient: (Nods slowly)

“I fainted in the bank about four years ago. When I regained consciousness, a lot of people were standing over me.”

Chaplain: (Voice gentle, respectful)

“That must have been a deeply embarrassing and frightening moment for you.”

Patient: (Eyes glistening slightly)

“Yes. And I found it difficult the next time. In fact, I left before I had even deposited my money. There were so many people…”

Chaplain: (Leaning slightly forward, tone compassionate)

“There were so many people…”

(Repeats the patient’s words softly, inviting her to continue.)

Patient: (Voice shaking a little)

“Yes. All the people bothered me. Then I began to get upset in other places where there were lots of people.”

Chaplain: (Soft tone, calm presence)

“Could you tell me more about that?”

Patient: (Thinking)

“Well, it soon became unbearable for me to go into stores or to get my hair cut—to do all the things I should do.”

Chaplain: (Gently following her focus)

“All the usual things became unbearable…”

Patient: (Nods)

“Yes. When I go out, my stomach gets upset. I get a headache, my throat is tight, and I can’t breathe.”

Chaplain: (Warmly)

“How do you think this relates to what happened in the bank that day?”

Patient: (Silent for a moment, reflecting)

“Well, I fainted in public once, too, and it took me some time to get over it.”

Chaplain: (Compassionate tone)

(Gently encourages her back to her experience.)

“It sounds like those public experiences left deep marks. I’d love to hear how you feel they connect for you.”

Patient: (Nods slowly)

“There is no reason for you to feel that way. I don’t think other people feel that way.”

Chaplain: (Respectfully)

“It’s okay to feel what you feel. Each journey is unique. What you carry matters deeply.”

Patient: (Taking a breath)

“Well, I guess when I get into situations where there are people, I’m always afraid I’ll faint. And so I become tense. I’m all right here, though.”

Chaplain: (Gently, seeking clarification)

“Can you clarify for me whether it is the people or the situations that cause you to be afraid?”

Patient: (Thinking quietly, then speaking)

“I don’t know. I guess I’m afraid of both the people and the situations. Right now, I stay away from both, so I can’t really say. I don’t know what else to say.”

Chaplain: (Kindly refocusing her gently)

“You were telling me earlier about not being able to go out to the bank. What happened next?”

Patient: (Nods slowly)

“Well, as I told you, I went out less and less. Eventually I found that I could no longer go out socially or visit with friends anymore.”

Chaplain: (Encouraging softly)

“And then…”

(Inviting her to continue sharing without pressure.)

Patient: (Eyes down, voice soft)

“Then I found that if I had a few drinks, I was more able to go out socially.”

Chaplain: (Leaning slightly forward with compassion)

“Could you tell me more about that?”

Patient: (Looking at the floor)

“Well… I started having… just a few drinks.”

Chaplain: (Soft, nonjudgmental tone)

“You find it difficult to tell me about it.”

Patient: (Sits silently for a moment, appearing to think.)

Chaplain: (Respecting the silence, sitting attentively, offering calm and supportive presence.)

Patient: (Finally speaks)

“It’s hard to talk about it. I haven’t told anyone before, but I guess I should. You see, I drink from the time I get up until my husband gets home.”

(Falls silent.)

Chaplain: (Gently, patiently)

“I guess it’s not an easy thing to talk about.”

Patient: (Nods slowly, appreciative of the understanding.)

Chaplain: (Softly, with presence)

(Sits in compassionate silence, allowing her space to gather thoughts and feelings.)

Patient: (Begins to open up again)

“It’s just been so overwhelming sometimes. I started feeling so small, so weak. Like no one understood. I didn’t even understand myself.”

Chaplain: (Voice filled with warmth and acceptance)

“Thank you for your courage in sharing all of this. It takes deep strength to speak these truths. You are not alone.”

Patient: (Quiet, tears welling up.)

“Thank you…”

Patient: (Takes a deep breath)

“I haven’t told anyone about this before. I just feel so ashamed sometimes. I know it’s not right, but it’s how I cope.”

Chaplain: (Kind voice, steady and nurturing)

“I want you to know, right here and now, that this is a sacred space. You are deeply valued, not judged. Sometimes we carry burdens we were never meant to carry alone.”

Patient: (Nods, voice softer)

“I used to think I was stronger. I never wanted to be seen like this.”

Chaplain: (Gently reflective)

“You are strong. Strength is not about never struggling. It’s about having the courage to face what’s painful and to reach out, just like you’re doing now.”

Patient: (Looking downward again)

“It’s hard to explain. I drink from the time I get up until my husband gets home. I hide it. I try not to let it show.”

Chaplain: (With gentle warmth)

“It’s not easy to bring this into the light. And yet healing often begins when we are no longer alone with our pain.”

(Sits quietly, giving patient sacred space to continue.)

Patient: (Tears forming)

“I don’t want to live this way. But I’m scared. I don’t even know where to start.”

Chaplain: (Softly)

“You’ve already taken the first step by speaking these truths today. Sometimes admitting our need for healing opens a door we didn’t know we had the strength to open.”

Patient: (Silent again, appearing to think.)

Chaplain: (Patiently waits attentively, honoring the silence.)

Patient: (Finally)

“I guess it’s not an easy thing to talk about.”

Chaplain: (Encouraging with empathy)

“I can see how much thought and heart you are putting into this. Take all the time you need. I’m here with you.”

Patient: (Voice faint)

“I used to pray. I used to believe things would get better. But now… I’m not sure anymore.”

Chaplain: (Soft, reverent tone)

“Even when hope feels distant, it’s never gone. Sometimes when we cannot pray, others can hold the prayer for us. It would be an honor to carry hope alongside you today.”

Patient: (Looks up for the first time in a while, eyes moist)

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

Patient: (Voice trembling slightly)

“Sometimes I feel like I’m losing myself. Like I’m not even the person I used to be.”

Chaplain: (Gently, reflectively)

“You’re still you. Wounded perhaps, but wonderfully and sacredly you. No struggle can erase your worth.”

Patient: (Looks down again, voice quiet)

“I used to feel proud of who I was. Now I just feel… broken.”

Chaplain: (With compassion)

“Brokenness can often be the beginning of sacred healing. Sometimes our deepest cracks are where the Light finds its way in.”

Patient: (Tears flow gently down her cheeks.)

“I just don’t know how to start. I feel like I’m trapped.”

Chaplain: (Warm presence)

“Feeling trapped is part of the human experience sometimes. But the Spirit is never confined. And neither are you. One step at a time is holy work.”

Patient: (Takes a deep breath, voice barely above a whisper)

“I’m scared that if I try to change, I’ll fail. Like I’ve already failed so many times.”

Chaplain: (Softly)

“It’s okay to feel afraid. Growth always asks us to step into places we cannot yet see fully. Even small steps are sacred steps.”

Patient: (Pauses, thinking)

“It’s just that I want to be able to go back to normal life… to work, to church, to see my friends again.”

Chaplain: (Warmly)

“You are naming deep longings — to connect, to live fully again. Those longings themselves are a sign of the life and hope that still live in you.”

Patient: (Nods slightly, seeming to find a little more steadiness.)

Chaplain: (Sitting quietly, supporting her in the silence with peaceful spiritual presence.)

Patient: (Pauses, looking thoughtful)

“I don’t know why it got so bad. I used to handle life just fine. I don’t know what happened to me.”

Chaplain: (Gently, offering perspective)

“Sometimes pain and fear grow quietly over time. It doesn’t mean you are weak — it means you have been carrying something heavy, perhaps for far too long.”

Patient: (Tears begin again, but her posture softens.)

“Maybe I just need to be stronger.”

Chaplain: (Compassionate, gentle correction)

“Maybe instead of being harder on yourself, you could allow yourself grace. Healing often begins not with strength, but with tenderness toward our own soul.”

Patient: (Whispers)

“I don’t even know how to do that anymore.”

Chaplain: (Warm voice)

“You’re doing it right now — simply by being here, by opening up, by sharing your heart. This, too, is sacred work.”

Patient: (Pauses, breathing a little deeper.)

Chaplain: (Maintains soft eye contact and a relaxed, attentive posture.)

Patient: (After a moment)

“Sometimes… I think about how much I’ve disappointed people. My family. God. Myself.”

Chaplain: (Tenderly)

“I hear the deep sorrow you carry. Would it be comforting if I reminded you that you are beloved, even in brokenness? That grace is not earned — it is given freely, even now?”

Patient: (Silent tears, but a small nod.)

Chaplain: (Holds the sacred space, offering presence and quiet acceptance.)

Patient: (Quiet voice)

“Thank you… for not judging me.”

Chaplain: (Softly)

“It is not my place to judge. It is my sacred calling to walk alongside you, to see the beauty and the courage that is still within you.”

Patient: (Looking down again, voice fragile)

“I just wonder sometimes if I’ll ever be normal again. I miss who I used to be.”

Chaplain: (Gently)

“It’s okay to grieve the parts of yourself that feel lost. Yet remember, who you truly are — your sacred worth — is not lost. It’s waiting with you, even now.”

Patient: (Pauses, swallowing hard.)

“I feel so tired… tired of fighting. Tired of pretending everything is okay.”

Chaplain: (Softly)

“It’s exhausting to carry so much in silence. I’m honored you chose to let some of that weight be shared today.”

Patient: (Nods, still emotional.)

Chaplain: (Sits in supportive silence, allowing the Spirit to minister through the quiet.)

Patient: (After a moment)

“I don’t know what steps to take. Everything feels overwhelming.”

Chaplain: (Gently affirming)

“You don’t have to take every step today. Sometimes the holiest thing we can do is simply breathe, pray, and allow one small light to lead us to the next.”

Patient: (Soft smile for the first time, though faint.)

Chaplain: (Noticing the small shift)

“Even this small smile is a sign of life stirring within you. Hope often returns not with a roar, but with a whisper.”

Patient: (Takes a long, steadying breath.)

Beautiful — thank you for staying with me on this journey.

Here is Part 7 of the Chaplain-Patient Spiritual Dialogue, continuing in the same spirit: gentle, spiritual, healing, and strictly following the material you sent.

Patient: (Softly)

“I don’t even know where to find hope anymore.”

Chaplain: (Warmly)

“Sometimes when we cannot find hope, it finds us — through moments like this, through grace we didn’t expect, through others who hold light for us when we can’t hold it for ourselves.”

Patient: (Tears slowly drying on her cheeks, breathing deeper.)

“Maybe there’s still a chance for me… even if it’s small.”

Chaplain: (Gently)

“There is always a chance. Healing doesn’t depend on being perfect. It only asks that we remain open to the journey, even in tiny steps.”

Patient: (Whispering)

“Thank you. Thank you for listening… for not making me feel worse.”

Chaplain: (Voice tender)

“It’s a gift to listen to your heart. You are seen. You are heard. And you are deeply loved by the One who has never abandoned you.”

Patient: (Nods slowly, a faint peace beginning to settle.)

Chaplain: (Continues to sit attentively, letting the sacred silence do its work.)

Patient: (After a while)

“I think maybe… I could try to take one step. Maybe.”

Chaplain: (Soft, encouraging)

“That’s beautiful. And you won’t walk alone. If you ever want to talk or pray again, I am here — and so is the Spirit who has always been with you.”

Patient: (Gently smiling, fragile but real.)

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

Chaplain: (Soft smile, peaceful posture)

“You’re welcome. May peace find you gently today, and may you find rest for your spirit.”

Spiritual Care Reflection

Throughout this sacred conversation, the Chaplain demonstrates key attending behaviors:

• Eye Contact: Gentle and culturally sensitive, signaling presence and care.
• Posture: Relaxed, open, and non-threatening.
• Verbal Following: Reflecting, summarizing, and encouraging deeper sharing without judgment or interruption.
• Silence: Used intentionally to create space for the patient’s reflection and emotional processing.
• Tone: Warm, calm, and steady, promoting trust and safety.

This model highlights how Spiritual Care Chaplains can create a healing environment through simple yet profound practices: being present, listening deeply, and responding with compassion and authenticity.

Closing Wisdom for CPE Students:

“True attending is an act of sacred presence — it is less about fixing and more about witnessing the soul’s unfolding with love, patience, and grace.”